Clever And Witty Quotes

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

The second mouse gets the cheese!

The problems that exist in this world can not be solved by the level of thinking that created them.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the ‘Three Stooges’ were geniuses. They’d have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.

A father may have a child who is ugly and lacking in all the graces, and the love he feels for him puts a blindfold over his eyes so that he does not see his defects but considers them signs of charm and intelligence and recounts them to his friends as if they were clever and witty.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

Two wrongs don’t make a right.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.