Clever And Witty Quotes

Clever And Witty Quotes by Samuel Goldwyn, Terry Pratchett, Albert Einstein, Harry S. Truman, Oscar Wilde, Steven Wright and many others.

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
Samuel Goldwyn
The second mouse gets the cheese!
Terry Pratchett
The problems that exist in this world can not be solved by the level of thinking that created them.
Albert Einstein
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
Harry S. Truman
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
Oscar Wilde
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Steven Wright
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Steven Wright
You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.
Henry Ford
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen
I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Mark Twain
I mean, I do love clever and witty, but I think that the ‘Three Stooges’ were geniuses. They’d have to be for their appeal to have lasted this long.
Paula Poundstone
A father may have a child who is ugly and lacking in all the graces, and the love he feels for him puts a blindfold over his eyes so that he does not see his defects but considers them signs of charm and intelligence and recounts them to his friends as if they were clever and witty.
Miguel de Cervantes
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
Groucho Marx
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Roald Dahl
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby